Several weeks ago I was walking to the subway from school, I was feeling pretty fine about things, even a little bit important for one reason or another (I forget now). I left my school a early and happened across the public secondary school just as classes were ending and students were milling about before going home to eat dinner and do homework. Crossing the bridge I spied four high school boys in their jogging suit uniforms eating ice cream and generally being high school boys and I knew they could see me because I could hear the disrespectful and annoying “halooo” that naturally comes out of about half of the Chinese population’s mouth every time they see a foreigner. I have lived in China for nearly six years now and I have gone through various phases of how to deal with this. I have inwardly gotten angry about it and taken it out on the general population by refusing to be polite, especially when buying something, I have ignored it, I have refused to associate with Chinese people. The easiest method, and the one I have gotten the most satisfaction from; is to say hello back. People are normally surprised because they are used to being ignored and either get sheepish or sometimes become friendly. Normally they can’t really speak English but I can speak Chinese and this reaction has even led to drinking rice wine and joy rides in police cars (with police officers of course). My farther-in-law, who is Chinese, almost got into a fight because someone said something like that when we were walking down the street. I have always had a negative side (that no one believes that I have) and this particular day I wasn’t in the mood for that kind of behavior. I was tired and busy and a couple of rude high school kids was not in my plan for making myself feel better. As I passed they said “halooo” a mocking and insidious sound to hear, and I ignored it. Another one said it and without reaction I flipped them the middle finger and didn’t break my stride as I walked away. They responded with laughter and a “fuck your mother”. At this point I felt like punching at least one of them in the teeth, I refrained, but for the rest of the walk down the street I was angry and then some. I thought of how I could tell them they were stupid, vendor’s children and they should continue to talk like that because it is appropriate for their future employment. I wanted to shame them by telling them that I had been here for six years, had helped to better the education system to give boys like them a better chance and that is how they treat people. For the rest of the evening really I was debating on the best way to handle it and it still just bothered me so much to be treated so disrespectfully. I have actually been trying to deal with my negative side properly since the new year and while I have been a Buddhist in certain practices I have wanted to take the next step and have been applying myself to mediation and study. Reciting the Buddha of Peace’s name, and questioning exactly who I am and thereby who it was that is offended. At the time of this occurrence nothing was doing me much good. Until I remembered a passage I read from a Korean monk who wrote about dealing with those that offend you. Kim Jae Woong instructs us to pray for those who offend. Ask that they become more intelligent so that they may serve the Buddha well. This will not only give one peace, it will also help develop a sense of compassion and actually help those who act in rude, help them to become intelligent enough not to be so rude. This is precisely what I did and honestly I had to do it about one hundred times before I truly felt that any good had become of it. I have been hoping to see those boys again. I have been hoping that the next time they can do it I can joke with them and tease them (in a friendly way) about their behavior. They have given me light and I wish one day to also give them some.
Photo credit: Claralastair's flickr
