Not Sure

Not sure what to write exactly, just thought I would put something in because I have the opportunity. Yesterday I worked on the big painting a bit as well as the long one, and glazed some ceramic ware and even a little printmaking work. It was quite a day for me and art making. Ad really, aside from my clumsiness at glazing thepots, things seemed to go very well. I will go in again today but I do not think I can work on the big painting at all, it'll be too wet. Yesterday I was starting to get into working on the book. I recall what Sun Lian Gang was talking about with letting things go and allowing the painting to just come out when I'm painting, and to an effect I can feel that. I am sure he still wouldn't like it, but that is because he is like that. Like a lot of Chinese people, always knows everything. Actually, I guess that is not a Chinese thing, a lot of people are like that. Maybe I should actually get some classroom work done. Actually, the main reason I want to go into school is to swim. I also read up on Angor Wat last night, another very pleasant evening of reading, drinking a White Russian and smoking a cigar. I tried to practice the bass last night but I just couldn't get quite on it. Here and there things were working but I was having a hard time keeping with the metronome and I kept running into problems with Fly Me to the Moon. My fingers and eyes couldn't keep up. Even my old standard Alright, Okay You Win was off. I gave up after about half an hour. I need to keep it up though. Contrary to what the guys in the band are doing I still want to do a lot more acid jazz stuff. Standards are fine to begin with but I want it funk and new, not just another jazz band. After this gig I will introduce some new tunes. Zhu Kun brought in All Blues which I think is a good start to something new. I was thinking about my personality the other day. I will never be that kind of person who makes a lot of money or is always in public eye or anything like that. I just don't possess the personality for it. When Helen and I were out at Migas the other night I could feel it. I got along well with Ursula but most everyone else I was pretty much a dud. Even the American/Canadian loser club. I just don't fit in to a lot fo groups fog people and as a result things in normal groups people never work out for. It is not that I am sad about that, I am just learning about myself more and more these days. A month ago when I finally broke out of the the depression I started to be more happy with myself and I am able to recognize these things. The last couple of days as well because, finally I get some rest and I have some energy. Well that's all I have to say for today.

Another Day of Musing What I should Do

Ok a lot to do and before I get distracted by actually doing stuff I need to take this time to get all my thoughts out so I can stay focused rather than waste time thinking I am accomplishing something. I would have liked to do this on the blog, but I need to be in a shield which isn’t conducive to listening to the radio at the same time.

So let’s see, I have to make arrangements for Cambodia, pay Seki and look into a visa, also I have to do some serious work on GtB. I had a good meeting with Vanessa last night, it left me inspired and ready to get some things done. I still have not looked for jobs elsewhere which is important as well as looking a graduate schools to make certain that I am at the top of my game when I apply. Absolutely none of my school work has been done which I need to do, specifically I need to adjust the units I am currently running and brainstorm some new ones. In relation to GtB I really want to look into my design gallery idea, really, find out what green means and where to find these things. I need Qiqi to look at my apartment contract, I have to retrieve money from both Elliot and Ruth (desperately needed). I am happy that the rent and the savings plan and the school fees are paid. speaking of school I have to check with SCAD about when there classes end, how to get from SZ to HK and back again and what kind of things I need to bring with me. Of course there are contact I have to get in touch with in HK like Julie, Sarah’s sister and Mari. I had a good start studying Chinese ad I have to keep it up, work on the basic lessons from the BLCU units rather than ust playing around with vocabulary. Also se t the band rehearsal schedule, and that is about all I am going to do for the band. There is a variety of shopping that needs to be done and I should get on a an exercise schedule again. There are the long term goals as far as finding out who I owe money to and getting tat paid and of course I need to visit with Wang Ting, Sun Liangang and while I am there Leng Yan. And I do not want to stop painting, really I want to make a book of my painting because that seems to be the method here. Should I look at web hosting as well - Devin Allen Art Music Education - ha ha sounds good. I should write a real blog, although I will most likely use this article and just paste it into my blog. I haven’t really know what to blog about, maybe I should talk about my trip to the Temple of Heaven, that would make a pretty good story. It’s good to write a lot, to get better at writing and language. Ok what else? I am not sure, actually I am fairly happy with this list of things. Oh yeah I have to adjust the finances spreadsheet. Ok that actually is it I believe. Normally I am not this satisfied with my lists, always feeling like there is something left out, but this time I think it’s good.

It's not that good but I'm still pretty pleased with my first foray into graffiti

Dig this old party spot

The Photo Below

I posted the photo below from my phone yesterday. I wanted to see if it could work and there you go. I was near Today Art Museum/Pingod Shi Qu making a little graffiti. Actually i made the graffiti because everyone seemed distracted by whatever was going on. After I finished my tag I moseyed over to see what everyone was looking at. It was these music video dressed women. I think that's what they were doing, or filming a television commercial or something. It didn't really look all that professional. But hey, it worked.

However this is not what I am here to write about. Mentally things have improved for me and I am becoming more and more optimistic by the day. Now i need to focus to make certain I get my thoughts down.

Exhibit. After reading through earlier blogs (glad I started using this to keep track of my thoughts) I realized that soe of the things I mentioned have come to light, and also I forgot about some other ideas that would have helped me shape my statement last week. First scanning the nagativea and making the screen did, eventially work out. I am ot one hundred percent satisfied with the result, however, it is pretty good and I can add to it after I run a few more prints. I should have mentioned this to Doug, but soon enough I will have an image to show him instead. Also I need to get back to Joel about this collage-image based stuff I was thinking about. Make it art and make it signatory.

Greening the Beigie: The CEO now wants to meet ith me and I ned to get my ideas better sorted out before I meet with her. Also it is important for her to tell me what he has in mind. My brainstorm if ideas is that we raise awareness of environmental issues by holding exhibits, fashion shows, particpating in events, blogs, social networking and I still think wearables is also a good route. Things like green t-shirts, bags etc. There are also some possibilities for actions, I keep thinking about the guy in SF who printed labels and cards using the runover from print shops. Things that can show the public how easy it is to conserve and how easy it can be not to waste. The other is education and the above mentioned action or something like that, as well as green drinks could happen especially if there are speakers every month. The student group at CAFA is good and perhaps there is opportunity to spread to other universities and using Roots and Shoots perhaps primary and secondary schools. Finally, fundraising, and I have no idea how to go about that.

The Band: That sounds so silly, but ok there is an interesting opportunity to make some art here so why not? Leng Du wants to make a photo essay out of us. Really, I am not going to worry about that. It is important here to take this easy and not throw too much unto it. Get some good songs, play when the feeling moves you and the others and don't sweat it after that. I have already talked about the tunes, we have about seven or eight and we should just work on those for now, not try to introduce anything new.

HK: So since I have cancelled my western trip and I am free to save some money and make a nice slow crawl to HK before my class. What that really means is planning. I have to make sure that everything good gets done before that and that I know where I want to go. In the guide book I have almost gotten through Shandong - a lone way to go still. Other places I'd like to be: Zhejiang, Suzhou, Shanghai, Hangzhou, Shaolin, Wuhan, Xiamen, Shenzhen.

Study: I am at last inspired to study again. I want to really turn HUX into something and also my Chinese needs work, maybe even add another language. Heh heh.

In follow up to some other posts, I did not delete Qiqi form my phone. She is still around and will be for a while. Helen is great. I can't remember anything else from before. Oh the Lomo guys did come and made light graffiti and I have seen very little of the results, but what I have seen is cool.

Getting There

So yet another bout with depression, I think it happens every time I meet with Qiqi. Actually last Monday I thought it would be strange but it went quite well, however on Thursday I was tired and it she got me talking about how unhappy I was and sure enough it got bad again. On the positive side things have been getting better since. I have not been sleeping well for the last month and as a result my body is falling apart. My lymph nodes are huge, my body aches all the time, I've got these sores on my tongue and one in my nose, yoga just about killed me last weekend - horrible. However, Saturday night when I lay down to sleep I sweat the sheets through which I think means that whatever funk I've got in me is is on its way out. I couldn't say I am 100 percent but I am a lot better than I was before the weekend began. My horoscope says to indulge a little to feel better, so I took a nap this morning, I hope that'll suffice.

SO anyway, my mood is taking a change for the better as I am getting more energized to do things that please me. I have also thought in my head about approaching my bosses and discussing ym situation and how I do not feel it is fair and it effects my ability to work knowing about my benefits package compared to everyone elses'. I think this has always been a big issue with me is that I lack self confidence and consequently do not do well. Having my wife constantly tell me I'm bad and then running off and cheating on was a pretty significant blow and really even though it's been a year now I have not completely recovered. But enough about her. I spoke to Helen last night, not about specifics but about how I want to make her a more integral part of my life, which means I may say things that frighten her but that's how she gets close to me. t's odd, when she is away I think of a lot of things I want to say to her but when she is near I feel at peace, like everything is alright and I feel like saying anything is unnecessary. Just be with her.

Right now is a pretty pivotal point. The reason I am writing this today is because I want to get myself on track to do some good work this summer. Last summer things got filled up pretty quick and with everything that was going on in my life as well as all the things I had to manage I never really got going before work started again. This year I hope not to make that same mistake. But to do this I have to now, the first day of the first week of vacation, I need to make it happen. Mind you I am going on a trip tomorrow, but that is how I make it happen. Something a couple of people have said to me over the past few days is that I want things that I am not capable of having. This has something to do with my career and vocation, right. Chen Ou said to me once "You are a paradox, you like teaching but you are not a teacher, you like art but you are not an artist, you want to love but your heart has been broken so you can't". I think this explains it in a big way. I can recall when I was in Korea that I had a very good understanding of myself. I recall commenting to Chuck that the older I get the less afraid of things I am and the less things bother me. He told me usually it is the opposite with people. I have become those people, I am now intimidated and not sure how to act, mostly because I am not sure who I am, which results in me goofing off a lot of the time. To make it worse I get depressed because nothing gets done and I have accomplished little in the last few years. So I have to remedy this by sorting myself out and being that person. It make take me a bit but at least I can see the path I need to take, no matter how late it is. Ok well I hope this provides sufficient start. Now it is time to get to work/.