It's not that good but I'm still pretty pleased with my first foray into graffiti

Dig this old party spot

The Photo Below

I posted the photo below from my phone yesterday. I wanted to see if it could work and there you go. I was near Today Art Museum/Pingod Shi Qu making a little graffiti. Actually i made the graffiti because everyone seemed distracted by whatever was going on. After I finished my tag I moseyed over to see what everyone was looking at. It was these music video dressed women. I think that's what they were doing, or filming a television commercial or something. It didn't really look all that professional. But hey, it worked.

However this is not what I am here to write about. Mentally things have improved for me and I am becoming more and more optimistic by the day. Now i need to focus to make certain I get my thoughts down.

Exhibit. After reading through earlier blogs (glad I started using this to keep track of my thoughts) I realized that soe of the things I mentioned have come to light, and also I forgot about some other ideas that would have helped me shape my statement last week. First scanning the nagativea and making the screen did, eventially work out. I am ot one hundred percent satisfied with the result, however, it is pretty good and I can add to it after I run a few more prints. I should have mentioned this to Doug, but soon enough I will have an image to show him instead. Also I need to get back to Joel about this collage-image based stuff I was thinking about. Make it art and make it signatory.

Greening the Beigie: The CEO now wants to meet ith me and I ned to get my ideas better sorted out before I meet with her. Also it is important for her to tell me what he has in mind. My brainstorm if ideas is that we raise awareness of environmental issues by holding exhibits, fashion shows, particpating in events, blogs, social networking and I still think wearables is also a good route. Things like green t-shirts, bags etc. There are also some possibilities for actions, I keep thinking about the guy in SF who printed labels and cards using the runover from print shops. Things that can show the public how easy it is to conserve and how easy it can be not to waste. The other is education and the above mentioned action or something like that, as well as green drinks could happen especially if there are speakers every month. The student group at CAFA is good and perhaps there is opportunity to spread to other universities and using Roots and Shoots perhaps primary and secondary schools. Finally, fundraising, and I have no idea how to go about that.

The Band: That sounds so silly, but ok there is an interesting opportunity to make some art here so why not? Leng Du wants to make a photo essay out of us. Really, I am not going to worry about that. It is important here to take this easy and not throw too much unto it. Get some good songs, play when the feeling moves you and the others and don't sweat it after that. I have already talked about the tunes, we have about seven or eight and we should just work on those for now, not try to introduce anything new.

HK: So since I have cancelled my western trip and I am free to save some money and make a nice slow crawl to HK before my class. What that really means is planning. I have to make sure that everything good gets done before that and that I know where I want to go. In the guide book I have almost gotten through Shandong - a lone way to go still. Other places I'd like to be: Zhejiang, Suzhou, Shanghai, Hangzhou, Shaolin, Wuhan, Xiamen, Shenzhen.

Study: I am at last inspired to study again. I want to really turn HUX into something and also my Chinese needs work, maybe even add another language. Heh heh.

In follow up to some other posts, I did not delete Qiqi form my phone. She is still around and will be for a while. Helen is great. I can't remember anything else from before. Oh the Lomo guys did come and made light graffiti and I have seen very little of the results, but what I have seen is cool.

Getting There

So yet another bout with depression, I think it happens every time I meet with Qiqi. Actually last Monday I thought it would be strange but it went quite well, however on Thursday I was tired and it she got me talking about how unhappy I was and sure enough it got bad again. On the positive side things have been getting better since. I have not been sleeping well for the last month and as a result my body is falling apart. My lymph nodes are huge, my body aches all the time, I've got these sores on my tongue and one in my nose, yoga just about killed me last weekend - horrible. However, Saturday night when I lay down to sleep I sweat the sheets through which I think means that whatever funk I've got in me is is on its way out. I couldn't say I am 100 percent but I am a lot better than I was before the weekend began. My horoscope says to indulge a little to feel better, so I took a nap this morning, I hope that'll suffice.

SO anyway, my mood is taking a change for the better as I am getting more energized to do things that please me. I have also thought in my head about approaching my bosses and discussing ym situation and how I do not feel it is fair and it effects my ability to work knowing about my benefits package compared to everyone elses'. I think this has always been a big issue with me is that I lack self confidence and consequently do not do well. Having my wife constantly tell me I'm bad and then running off and cheating on was a pretty significant blow and really even though it's been a year now I have not completely recovered. But enough about her. I spoke to Helen last night, not about specifics but about how I want to make her a more integral part of my life, which means I may say things that frighten her but that's how she gets close to me. t's odd, when she is away I think of a lot of things I want to say to her but when she is near I feel at peace, like everything is alright and I feel like saying anything is unnecessary. Just be with her.

Right now is a pretty pivotal point. The reason I am writing this today is because I want to get myself on track to do some good work this summer. Last summer things got filled up pretty quick and with everything that was going on in my life as well as all the things I had to manage I never really got going before work started again. This year I hope not to make that same mistake. But to do this I have to now, the first day of the first week of vacation, I need to make it happen. Mind you I am going on a trip tomorrow, but that is how I make it happen. Something a couple of people have said to me over the past few days is that I want things that I am not capable of having. This has something to do with my career and vocation, right. Chen Ou said to me once "You are a paradox, you like teaching but you are not a teacher, you like art but you are not an artist, you want to love but your heart has been broken so you can't". I think this explains it in a big way. I can recall when I was in Korea that I had a very good understanding of myself. I recall commenting to Chuck that the older I get the less afraid of things I am and the less things bother me. He told me usually it is the opposite with people. I have become those people, I am now intimidated and not sure how to act, mostly because I am not sure who I am, which results in me goofing off a lot of the time. To make it worse I get depressed because nothing gets done and I have accomplished little in the last few years. So I have to remedy this by sorting myself out and being that person. It make take me a bit but at least I can see the path I need to take, no matter how late it is. Ok well I hope this provides sufficient start. Now it is time to get to work/.

The Ride

Ok so I was going through the magazine Milk this morning and it inspired me. Also I was thinking about a meeting I had with Carissa and I feel like there is another possible direction. I got a response from a gallery in Shanghai and I think there is an option - I got really apathetic at school today, I should be working now, but I am not, I am planning. I need to write this so I have a clear head. Qiqi continues to make me sad and unhappy, the couple of days I didn't speak with her I was much better. Last evening Elliot and Zhu Kun came over and we smoked some grass and played some blues, it was quite nice, I wish we were in Jiang Hu or another small, wooden club. There are some important things to get done this weekend - some of it playing. I wish Helen were back, I am going to eliminate Qiqi from my phone again. Up next, the To Do list:

• Tidy up classroom
• Get triangles made for bedroom scene
• Get money transferred to China Merchants
• Correct reports
• Pick up HSK Score
• Respond to m97 and see about how to get an interview there
• Keep looking for jobs in Shanghai - start with galleries
• Study more Chinese
• Meet with Joel, Leng Du and Charlie tonight and tomorrow
• Show Leng Du what you are interested in as far as 'fashion' photography
  
• Brainstorm GTB - "Home is where the art is."
• Collect photos of cafe racers
• Print Moob and Negative